faith, freedom and femininity

The Lord provides, you guys. He redeems. His Grace is beautiful and boundless. He gives freedom through faith.

This weekend has been freeing in the most beautiful way. It was far from what I expected or hoped for, but somehow better than I could have imagined.

One of my biggest struggles in life is the fear that I’m not enough. That I’m not pretty enough or thin enough. That I’m not doing enough or giving enough. I feel like there’s always something more I could, and should, be doing. I’m afraid that because I’m not enough, I will inevitably face abandonment in every area of my life. And when those things happen, I feel like I deserve them, because I’m simply not enough.

Well, I had a realization this weekend, and it was the most freeing thought I have ever experienced. Those fears and self-doubt, while they feel real and huge and earth-shattering, it’s really just Satan trying to weasel his way into my heart. And you know what, our God is bigger and greater than evil, so I have nothing to fear.

Lucifer fell because of his beauty and his pride for that beauty. His fall gave him this intense desire to attack beauty. He seeks to wreak destruction on the physical manifestations of God’s glory on Earth. He has a special hatred for women, because women represent the heart of the Lord in the most beautiful and captivating ways.

Talk about freeing. There is no reason for me to live with guilt or fear that I’m not enough. It is because I am a woman, filled with the Beauty and Grace of the Lord that I am attacked. Now, this doesn’t excuse anything that has happened in my life, or give me an excuse to suffer or become arrogant. Rather, it provides freedom and understanding, and reminds me that I am not alone.

Beautiful, right?

These thoughts came together even more in church this morning. The sermon was about Ruth and the ability to overcome anything with faith because faith offers redemption. Redemption through friends and family. Redemption through new beginnings. Redemption through Jesus. Sure, my life hasn’t been perfect, and I have been hurt deeply, but that’s ok. My journey and my trials have shaped me to be the woman I am today. The Lord has blessed me with a beautiful community and a new beginning. I am experiencing a joy I never knew existed. My heart and my life are for the Lord. I have nothing to fear.

I am fiercely loved by the Creator of the universe. The One who hand placed the stars in the sky. I was created to carry His glory in a uniquely feminine way. He knows my name and cares for me deeply.

The Proverbs 31 woman is certainly something. While I can’t say I’ll be spinning wool and flax or dressing in fine linen and purple gowns anytime soon, I can draw some inspiration from her. I can breathe easy knowing my life is in His hands.

she is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25