I woke up on Monday feeling completely overwhelmed and dissatisfied with where I am, and that feeling has carried throughout my entire week. And that has been the opposite of pleasant, let me tell you.
I had a wonderful weekend that gave me a small taste of what real life could be like. I spent it with someone I care very much for and his beautiful family. I spent some time in the city. I was productive without being even a little stressed. I was surrounded by incredible people. I had fun. I felt comfortable and at ease. I was happy.
Then I came back to my reality. Living where I work. In a tiny town. Going to classes that don’t meet my expectations in the slightest. Struggling with a severe lack of motivation. Stress City. I was overcome with this awful sense of dread and discontentment. I want more. I want to do more, see more and be more. I feel limited and stagnant.
I’m a processor. I need movement and conversation to understand where I am and how to move forward. Everyone seems just as busy and overwhelmed as I am, so I didn’t want to share my burden. I injured my knee over the weekend, thought I was okay to run on it on Tuesday, but definitely made it worse. All I wanted to do was run, but even walking was painful. So there I was. Curled up on my couch. Stuck. Lonely. Hurting physically and mentally.
I reached out to a friend who lovingly told me that crying is okay, and reminded me to lean on the Lord, because he’s there whether or not I’m running, and that He says be still. I complained, saying I felt helpless, and she said that will be a struggle until I learn to accept the fact that I am not in control.
Gulp. Yep. True fact.
So, I cheated a little. I couldn’t run, but I couldn’t sit in my apartment anymore either. I went for a nice, long drive. Our God is in no way limited to movement, but I really needed movement.
I re-wrote that sentence ten times trying to make it sound better, but it doesn’t. Because it’s pretty awful. God isn’t limited, but I needed to be in control. No. That’s not how it works!
be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.
Bottom line, His grace is enough. Seek the Lord and trust His will. Our lives should be lived in such a way that honors and glorifies Him and His plans; not what we think is best for our own lives. He has placed us where we are, at this exact moment, with love and intentionality. It may not seem like much now, but trust that He has a plan for us. Life is good you guys, and it will only get better.
trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.